They granted me my divorce today. It's a good thing because everything was so broken... Now we can move on and repair the damage in our hearts. At the same time something died inside me today. It was my belief in forever. Because a painful truth is that love alone is not enough to mend it. Trust and communication are also required to maintain a healthy relationship with someone an furthermore to heal the damages of the past. For me that trust is broken in regards to all type ... s of relationships to other human beings not just romantic. Both because of that failed relationship and because of many tramatic factors over a period of 5 years that started with the murder of the significant other i was with before my husband and streached all the way up until now. This includes a miscarriage that caused me to bleed out and lose consciousness in a park in seattle Washington. As well as getting hacked very thourouly to technical levels i didnt know existed. This includes my marriage to Jason Webb who is now my exhusband. We broke up and reunited a few times over those several years. It was always me who left. But it was always him who would self sabotage and destroy our efforts at happiness. It was alcoholism and talking to other women. It was talking down to me and contsant fighting at times. It was many mistakes. We battled with his PTSD from his past an other mental issues. We were dealing with external trauma from trouble he got us into. At the same time there was some very good parts. Everyone is human and sometimes people try and come up short. Sometimes theydint love themselves and destroy the good in their lives that they dont feel they deserve. Sometimes the odds are just against them or perhaps the whole world around them really is out to ge them. I dont know why. I kept seeing potential but that was not what he continued to show me. We delt with many things i can not talk about openly or some things at all, involving truths about the world during our relationship. I am irreparably changed some for the better and some for the worse due to these truths we were forced to learn out of survival. As damaging as much of this was, i would not take it back. There has been so much more then i could list on Facebook both good an bad during these years. Some day might write a book about it when I'm old and nobody's lives can be negatiely affected by what i have to say. Its important to try and continue to get up when you fail. This divorce is both good an bad, painful and some day happy again because of it. It is both a failure and a success in many ways. I badly need some art therapy to sooth my soul. Anyway if anyone is bored enough to read this, life can be shitty and hurtful and hard. Just pick the pieces you have left up and keep trying to move forward. pink colored items of the cocktail to wear