Seeing me take an unnecessary detour in my life to possibly walk or rather run to an almost certain hell of some sort and be fully aware and truly understand the possible danger is probably why most ppl discredit me and suggest that I have to be insane, psychotic or perhaps so pathetic that I feel a need to express an extremely exagarrated expression of penitence...

until yesterday i believed that about myself and while i still question my sanity on a daily if not hourly basis i can honestly say none of those assumptions are true and that almost makes it worse cause if they were true then i could fully blame myself instead of being the punchline to someones joke or victim to something i dont deserve ...showing me once again i know absolutely nothing about ppl or maybe i dont want to believe it and i am in total denial of how shallow, fake and judgemental ppl truly are although that is nothing new or shocking to realize but the fact that i am referring to so called close or best friends and possibly some family shows me i must be totally misunderstood and thought of as a joke or an idiot and that hurts and makes me feel so gullible and lame. sure that hurts but what truly defines my pain is not others opinions of me...its the proof of how stupid and trusting i am and i cheated myself on so much wasted time i invested in ppl who i thought i knew and i thought knew me too. UcenterDress mermaid trumpet prom collections in red or ruby

no i am not mad or whiny just confused and let down. im not trying to be dramatic or get sympathy and i cant stand my personal stuff posted on fb but im in a place where i almost want to see if it even matters and even if it doesnt i still cant hate or be mad at what anyone thinks or says about me thats just life but knowing that i might possiby be misunderstood on this sort of level is the most painful and hopeless feeling ive ever had...this is not a cry for help just a post to remind myself and everyone else how important it is not to let this get to me. i matter to me and that has to be enough. i never wanted to know this level of strength existed and yea i know it could be worse and no i do not want to find out how worse i will simply try my best to do my best and with determination and self motivation i will eventually be an even better and stronger version of me than i ever dreamed of and one day i will be grateful for it all whatever it truly is ......